17 April 2008

Our latest adoption contact

After my rambling last night, I decided that I would try and keep you all better aware of how things are going with our adoption process. This woman contacted me this afternoon via instant messenger, and this is the conversation. I have deleted her name and email, for confidentiality, but this is the second time we have been contacted with this type of scenario. I keep a paper journal of all of our adoption contacts, but I think I will try and put the new ones on here, so you can see where we are at. If they are lengthy, I will just give a synopsis of the conversation.

b: is this Melissa?
MeJ: yes
b: I was looking at your profile. You want to adopt?
MeJ: yes we do
b: would you be willing to take a 10 year old?
MeJ: possibly...
b: I adopted Destiny at age 3. I told her about being adopted a couple years ago
b: she wants a two parent family
b: Iare you there?
MeJ: how did she come to that decision, and what makes you want to go along with it?
birth mom: are
b: well, I'm a single parent and she been giving me some problems.
b: she a beautiful child, but she was a drug baby. she smart, and learns, I had her in private schools until this year
MeJ: what kind of problems is she giving you?
b: not wanting to mind
b: she doing it cause she wants a new home, or thats what she told my brother
MeJ: I have a ten year old son (and an 11 year old daughter) that don't want to mind and don't like me sometimes...
MeJ: how long have you been thinking about relinquishing her?
b: 2 years now
b: My sister and I were adopted, and my older sister hated my adopted mom
MeJ: Have you persued any other avenues besides relinquishment?
b: I have talked to her bio. family and they told me to put her in foster care
b: I dont want to do that
MeJ: no, that wouldn't be good for her...
MeJ: where are you located?
b: Florida
b: my lawyer, says all I have to do is find a family and give up my rights to her.
b: my cousin was going to take her, but she got four foster kids now, and not sure if or when they will go home
b: I can send you a picture of her
MeJ: that seems a little easier said than done, to be truthful. is she very emotionally attached to you?
b: no
b: she can go stay with anyone and she doesnt miss me at all
MeJ: does she have the ability to form family attachments?
b: most of the time she tells me she hates me
b: well, she loves my older daughter
b: and she loves my brother, he like a grandpa to her
b: he 19 years older than me
MeJ: how old is your older daughter?
MeJ: and was she also adopted?
b: 23
b: no
b: I have three other daughters and only adopted the youngest one
b: four total
MeJ: so she is much younger than all of the other three?
b: yes, and think thats some of the problems
b: that and she wants a dad
MeJ: is she seeing a counselor at school or anything, or just venting her feelings to you?
b: took her to a psychologist, for two years
b: he says she resents me, she feels in her heart I took her from her real dad
b: her dad gave her up to me
b: I had her in my daycare
MeJ: i've heard that a lot about adopted children
b: he did drugs and was dignosted almost retared last summer
MeJ: that is very sad. does she have any contact with her birthfather?
MeJ: or birthmother?
b: see I feel if she had a new family and with this being what she wants, than she would adjust better and be happier
b: no, her mom went to prison for drugs
b: but heard she out and lives in NC somewhere
b: are you still here?
MeJ: what a tramatic past...I am not sure we are equipped to meet her needs. It sounds like she needs to have undivided attention...possible as an only child, and needs to go through some extensive counseling for her issues
MeJ: she would have to share her attention with our four other children
b: oh , that might be a problem
b: she does need more one on one
b: maybe you can help me find someone that wants to adopt?
MeJ: are you working exclusively with a lawyer, or have you contacted any adoption type agencies?
b: there is one in my town, but they only work with babies
MeJ: our adoption agency is national...in every state...and although they work more frequently with babies, they are also qualified to place older children....what city are you in
MeJ: LDS Family Services
Florida Agency
10502 Satellite Blvd. Suite D
Orlando, Florida 32837-8426
PH: 407-850-9141
FAX: 407-850-9687
MeJ: here is there information for florida
MeJ: it would probably be a good idea to choose a family nearby, so she would have time to adjust gradulally, over time, to her new family, and could make the transition slowly
b: oh ok
b: thank you
b: I will contact them
MeJ: good luck!
b: thank you
b: keep my email address ************@*****.com
b: if you hear of anyone
MeJ: ok


Jen said...

Wow, that's really tough, and so sad, too. I think you handled it really well, though. Are you guys open to adopting an older child or do you prefer a baby? What are your thoughts on special needs adoption? I know that when I was considering adopting, that seemed like the easiest route because so many people don't want children like that, which means there are more available. The thing that kept me from doing it was how it would affect my family, which I'm sure is an issue for you because it's something that affects not only your life, but the lives of your kids as well.

It sounds like you have the right attitude about the whole situation though. I imagine staying positive is hard, but it'll be all worth it in the end. I think you're right, God definitely has a plan for you.

sarastrasser said...

It is very sad to hear about that girl not wanting to live with her mom anymore and also to see her mom giving in to her and considering it. I can only imagine how difficult she must be to not be able to handle her anymore but there are definitely children out there that parents (especially single parents) really can't keep and it is what is best for the child to give them up even at an older age. I think it is great that you are adopting. It will also be such a great experience for your children. There are so many children out there who need homes and so many families that are wanting to take them. Morgan and I are doing foster care and even in our small area it is insane to hear about how many children are in need of homes. Foster families are being placed with more children than are allowed because they have more kids than families willing to take them. I think foster care and adoption are great things. Good luck with everything. I hope your wait is almost over.